Episode 110: Unexpected Turns (Feat. Robyn Jordan of Black Girls Create)
Recommendation: Dysfunctional
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/1853057/1/Dysfunctional
This transcript was provided by our excellent volunteer transcription team! Thanks to:
Transcriber: Kaczorek
If you’re interested in joining the team, send us an email!
If you’d like to read the original works contained in this transcript, you can find them here!
Kim: So I got to come on your other podcast, and you have a sign off on that podcast. Do you regret not having like a real sign off on this podcast?
Sequoia: [sighs] Like, a little bit. [both laugh]
Kim: Just, like, making those weird noises at the end of the episode that we do?
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs]
Kim: Feels like a missed opportunity.
Sequoia Well, here's the thing, you know? We made this podcast a long time ago, when we didn't know how to make a podcast. So now I have a podcast that I made when I know how to make a podcast, and there's a lot about it that's better and different. [laughs]
Kim Ughhhhhhh!
[Theme music (Wolfstar by The Whomping Willows: You know we really love you/It ain't our place to judge you/You're feeling scared about it/Naturally/There's no point in hiding/So feel free to start confiding/If you need a good friend/You can count on me/You can count on me/You can count on me)]
Sequoia: Hello. I'm Sequoia Simone.
Kim: And I'm Kim.
Sequoia: And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: It's a Harry Potter fanfiction podcast.
Sequoia: Yet again. We're back to the regular bullshit.
Kim: We back! We back! The podcast had to take a little nap because we got very sleepy. [Sequoia laughs] [laughing and mumbling] Just fucking…
Sequoia: [still laughing] I don't know why I hated that so much.
Kim: [cooing] Oh, we sleepy! Oh, we're just a couple sleepy little hosts…
Sequoia: [cooing and laughing] A wittle sweepy podcast.
Kim: …in a little sleepy podcast, and we had to tuck all three of us in for a little nap.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah, I mean, we did take a longer break than we had originally said, and then we extended it. And now we're back.
Kim: We BACK!
Sequoia: We're back. We're ready. We're riled. We're good to go.
Kim: This is a… this is a good episode that we're about to throw at you all.
Sequoia: Yes!
Kim: We've recorded the middle part already.
Sequoia: We recorded the middle part a month and a half ago! [laughs]
Kim: LOL!
Sequoia: Yeah! So before we go into our guest portion, the fanfiction portion of the podcast, we got to talk about a couple of things. There's all sorts of things happening.
Kim: We've been away too long.
Sequoia: Yeah, like, we were complaining earlier this summer about how little we had to say up top, and now it's just like…
Kim: It all piled. It piled up a bit.
Sequoia: Yeah. Yeah.
Kim: It piled up a bit. Thing number one, the annual listener survey is out now.
Sequoia: It's out now! You can take the survey by clicking the link in the description of this episode or going to any of the…
Kim: Soc meds.
Sequoia: Soc meds. And doing that. It is really, really wonderful to hear from you all. You help shape the podcast, but you also give us some just sort of [both laugh] bonkers answers to our stupid questions.
Kim: You gotten any good ones? The survey went live a couple of days ago.
Sequoia: It did, it did. I don't have any lined up for this…
Kim: Mkay.
Sequoia: …particular episode, but…
Kim: But it's always nice to see those come in.
Sequoia: It is nice to see them come in. We'll be putting some of those answers out on social media and talking about them in episodes, in upcoming episodes.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: So make sure to go fill out the survey. Tell us what your house is, your DTP, and other such things about how we're doing the… on the podcast.
Kim: Yep, survey's going to close on the twelfth of September, so get those in.
Sequoia: Another thing is that, just putting another call out there for people who might want to join our volunteer transcription team. I have a new goal. I would like to be caught up on transcriptions by the end of the year.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: And if we are able to do that, the whole transcription team is gonna get a reward, a treat, a some kind of something of some kind, that has yet to be determined but… [laughs]
Kim: Will be something!
Sequoia: But will be something! As… as of right now, if you finish two transcripts you get a hold for the text please enamel pin, which is pretty cool, so if…
Kim: Those are pretty cool.
Sequoia: Yeah. If you want to join the transcription team, you can email us at fanaticalfics@gmail.com and I will hook you up with the…
Kim: Team!
Sequoia: ..team!
Kim: Speaking of goals, you have goals for the transcription team.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: We also have goals for our Patreon. We are twenty five patrons away from meeting the last goal we set on Patreon, which the prize at the end of the goal…
Sequoia: Is that we're gonna do a big ole livestream.
Kim: We're gonna do a live show…
Sequoia: With… yeah.
Kim: …that everyone will be invited for.
Sequoia: Everyone will be invited. We'll do fanfiction, we'll do trivia, we'll do all sorts of things in that livestream.
Kim: It'll be super fun.
Sequoia: It will be.
Kim: Our livestreams are fun as is.
Sequoia: Yes!
Kim: This one will be bigger and more extravagant, I promise. Here.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah. So go ahead and join us over at patreon.com/fanaticalfics.
Kim: [singing] It's very fun. You got one more thing you wanted to talk about here at the top?
Sequoia: I did. I was recently in New York City where I did a meet up.
Kim: [theatrically] I went to New York City, the big apple! [Sequoia laughs] Sequoia, myself, in the city that never sleeps!
Sequoia: [still laughing] Goddamnit! [both laugh] Yes, I did! I did go to New York and I met a bunch of our incredible listeners.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: Which was so much fun and totally wild.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: I, you know, I got to meet THE Jessica!
Kim: THE Jessica?
Sequoia: Jessica was there! Which was incredible. I got to meet Sherlockian, who writes wonderful fanfiction, like three of which I read on story time livestreams.
Kim: Oh!
Sequoia: There was just some really, like…
Kim: Some really fun people.
Sequoia: Yeah. There.
Kim: Aw, that sounds so fun. Some day maybe we'll be able to do more of those. Maybe. Who knows.
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: Put those vibes out there.
Sequoia: [laughs] It was very fun. So hopefully we'll get to do it again. But thanks, everybody who came.
Kim: Yeah. Is it time now?
Sequoia: Is it time now?
Kim: I think it's time now.
Sequoia: Let's do it! As you all may have guessed from the title of this episode, we do have a guest today!
Kim: Hell, yeah!
Sequoia: Finally, once again, we have brought guests back into the fold, and there is no better guest to bring us back than Robyn Jordan from Black Girls Create, hello!
Robyn: Hi! I'm excited and scared. Can you be both at the same time? That's me. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: We're so excited to have you!
Robyn: [laughs] I'm excited to be here.
Sequoia: Do you have any, you know, background with fanfiction? Have you written fanfiction? Do you read fanfiction?
Robyn: So I have written like two pretty, like, short fanfiction stories, and then I've done a little… few things for Black Girls Create. We have a project called Hogwarts BSU…
Kim: Yeah!
Robyn: …where we ask people to write stories about Black characters, so I've written a few things there. Like normally, if I'm gonna read fanfic, I'm gonna read Jane Austen fanfic.
Kim: Hmm!
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: Noice.
Robyn: And, like, there is not enough Persuasion fanfic in the world. And so we should fix that.
Sequoia: Yeah. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] Nice! Persuasion is your number one fanfiction go to, if there was more of it, for Jane Austen? Or is there another book that you also gravitate towards?
Robyn: It's… actually, my number one go to is Pride and Prejudice because there's just more of it.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Mm, mhm.
Robyn: [laughing] I read this amazing fanfic, sorry! It was like all Austen characters in a Love Island setting. [Kim screams]
Sequoia: What?!
Robyn: And it was bonkers, and I loved it so much.
Kim: That sounds so fun! Dang!
Sequoia: That is incredible!
Kim: We're going to have to find that link, I thiiink. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] I also absolutely love the… like a Regency AU with Harry Potter characters? Love those.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Robyn: I really want someone… so I'm not going to do this, because I don't… I have ADHD and I don't have the attention span for it. I can give someone all of the points that they need to write Persuasion as a Wolfstar AU. [Kim and Sequoia gasp] Like, it has everything that you need.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Robyn: Okay? Remus is Anne.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Robyn: Sirius is Wentworth.
Sequoia: Uh huh.
Robyn: Remus feels guilty because he didn't stick up for him or stand by his side when he went to Azkaban, so instead of going to the Navy, he goes to Azkaban, obviously. [sighs] I really want to read it. I really want someone to write it, ‘cause it won't be me. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] But I… I really, really, really want it.
Sequoia: Oh, I want to read that too, dang. Well, as far as Harry Potter is concerned, what is your Hogwarts house?
Robyn: I am a Ravenclaw. I like to tell people I am a Luna Lovegood Ravenclaw, more on the weird side, more like the offbeat path. And yeah, I'm a Ravenclaw.
Sequoia: Love a good Luna Lovegood Ravenclaw.
Kim: Oh, yeah.
Robyn: Thank you.
Sequoia: When you are reading Harry Potter fanfiction, it sounds like you do gravitate towards like a Wolfstar situation. Is that your OTP or do you have a different OTP?
Robyn: That is my OTP.
Kim: Yeah!
Robyn: That is the only, like… I don't care about anyone else. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] [someone claps] I really don't. Sirius and Remus are in love, okay?
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: They are.
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: We talk a lot about Drarry on this dumb podcast, but I think… I mean, we chose Wolfstar by The Whomping Willows as our theme song for a reason.
Sequoia: Exactly.
Robyn: I will say that there's no way you can read Half Blood Prince and not be like, just kiss! Just make out, just stop…
Kim: Stop following him and just make out. What are you boys doing? Dummies! [Sequoia laughing]
Robyn: It's very annoying! To everyone involved! We all know what you guys want to happen! [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Yeah. Speaking of Draco, here on the podcast we do a lot of what is… who is Draco today sort of fanfictions.
Kim: It's never the same.
Sequoia: It's never the same. Who is Draco? No one knows. If Draco had to end up with another character…
Kim: He doesn't have to, we've had Draco slash not other characters before.
Sequoia: Draco slash…
Kim: An actual redemption arc?
Sequoia: …an actual redemption arc.
Robyn: That's my choice, this is my OTP, right there.
Sequoia: [laughs] Nice.
Robyn: That's it.
Kim: That's a good one! [laughs] That is a great one.
Robyn: Thank you.
Sequoia: That's… you can't go wrong with that one, honestly. Whoo! Awesome.
Kim: Cool!
Sequoia: Well, those are all of our guest questions, and I'm very excited to get into this fanfiction with you two today, because I have done something.
Kim: Great.
Robyn: Scary.
Sequoia: It's time for the predictions portion of the podcast. Remember to tweet your predictions at us, #FanficDivination, answer our story on Instagram or write your predictions on a piece of paper and give it to any bird.
Kim: Sure. [laughs]
Sequoia: All right!
Kim: Sure, sure, sure.
Sequoia: Here are your clues. The title of this fanfiction is Unexpected Turns.
Kim: Mhm?
Sequoia: The fanfiction came out post Half Blood Prince. And when I say post Half Blood Prince, what I mean is that I was doing a thing where I was looking for fanfictions that came out in the weeks leading up to Deathly Hallows.
Kim: And you crossed over the threshold?
Sequoia: So this is like really close to the release of Death… of the Deathly Hallows.
Kim: I love the, like, frenzy that always happened right around the books. You get like this fanfiction frenzy in the weeks around them. [laughs]
Sequoia: I love searching in those times.
Kim: Oh yeah.
Sequoia: ‘Cause there's some bonkers stuff. This fanfiction was tagged by the author romance/drama.
Kim: Oooh, drama? Hmm.
Robyn: Isn't all romance drama?
Kim: We usually do…
Sequoia: [laughs] Majority? Yes. [Robyn laughs]
Kim: …romance and humor on the pod, though.
Robyn: Ah.
Sequoia: Yeah, but today we're doing romance/drama.
Kim: You found something [with a flare] dramatic! [Sequoia laughs]
Robyn: I feel like Snape is somehow involved in a way that I don't care about. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] ‘Cause I want him to suffer. I'm gonna say the unexpected turn has to deal with Snape.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Nice.
Robyn: Ugh. I don't want to ship him with anyone, ‘cause he’s…
Kim: Nice.
Robyn: Ugh. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] Ugh. I'm gonna say… I'm… I'm… gah. Remus?
Sequoia: Oh!
Robyn: No, Sirius, I think it'll be Sirius. But I'm thinking it's gonna be Snape/Sirius, and I'm gonna hate that.
Kim: Okay? Okay. [laughs]
Robyn: Sirius is my favorite character. I'm gonna hate… I'm gonna be mad. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: I think we maybe scared you a little bit. We don't usually do any Snape stuff on the pod! [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Robyn: Okay, okay!
Kim: We were talking about our recent fight before we hit the record button.
Robyn: Okay, so if you don't normally do Snape stuff, that's great. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: On this pod we hate Snape!
Sequoia: Mhm.
Robyn: I'm gonna… okay, so I'm gonna switch, and I'm gonna say that it's… it's Harmony. It's Harry and Hermione.
Kim: Noice!
Sequoia: Nice!
Kim: We hate that, too. Good!
Sequoia: NICE!
Robyn: And then, like, Ron becomes a Death Eater or something. I don't know.
Kim: Nice!
Sequoia: Oooh, that's good.
Kim: All right, here we go. What have I got today? I've got, Dumbledore is inexplicably not dead.
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: There's going to be a dramatic break up in this.
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: And the pairing is Ronmione.
Sequoia: All right.
Kim: We haven't had one of those in five ever.
Sequoia: We got one Ronmione and one Harmony. Let's see. Let's see who is…
Kim: No? Fuck.
Robyn: None?
Sequoia: [laughs] You'll see, you'll see.
Kim: This is going to be a line one, we were completely off base.
Sequoia: All right. Excellent. Well, now that we have your predictions and listeners, you've got your predictions written down out there into cyberspace, it is time to begin Unexpected Turns.
Robyn: Dun, dun, dunn.
Sequoia: [in a dramatic, lofty voice, used for the first person narration throughout] Back to school. One feeling I wish I could avoid.
Kim: You are doing a voice, my friend, and I don't know whose voice that is. What are you doing? [Sequoia squeals] I'm excited.
Sequoia: School sucked for me. I was misunderstood and rejected.
Kim: [dramatically] Oh! How sad.
Sequoia: I had no friends besides my pet marten, Dust.
Kim: Pet marten… Dust?
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Okay. All right. What is… what is happening?
Sequoia: Okay, a marten? Okay. I had to look this up. You should look up a picture of a marten.
Kim: Right, that's like a little weasel thing, right?
Sequoia: It's like a little fox weasel!
Robyn: Oh, that's cute.
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: That's definitely not on the list of approved pets, but, you know.
Robyn: Right. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Okay. Who is this person? Did you give us another OC? Oh, I'm excited.
Robyn: I feel like it's an OC or it's Pansy?
Kim: Pansy?!
Kim and Sequoia: Ooh.
Kim: I would love a Pansy.
Sequoia: That's good. That's good. I do like a lot that this character named their pet…
Robyn: Martin?
Sequoia: Dust.
Robyn: Oh.
Kim: Pet marten Dust.
Robyn: I've got it, I'm back, I'm back, I got it.
Sequoia: [laughs] Dust.
Kim: That's kind of reminiscent of… what's that book called? Golden Compass. I don't know if… that it's a marten necessarily, but…
Sequoia: Oh!
Kim: You know. Dust.
Sequoia: I had not thought of that!
Kim: Little… little weasel looking familiar.
Sequoia: Its name is Dust?
Kim: Well, no.
Sequoia: I don't remember this book.
Kim: Dust is a thing that occurs if… never mind. [Sequoia laughs] That's not important.
Robyn: Dust is… dust is a thing that happens in…
Kim: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah. So we have this person, they have a… they have a pet fox weasel.
Kim: And they have no friends.
Sequoia: And they have no friends.
Kim: Sad.
Sequoia: Just their pet fox weasel named Dust.
Kim: That's probably why we've never heard about them. Please continue.
Sequoia: Yeah. [Robyn laughs] No one liked me.
Kim: Ugh.
Sequoia: I was a loner in a pack of raving, bloodthirsty wolves.
Kim: At school?!
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Okaaaay?
Robyn: This is Slytherin? No.
Kim: Right. This is going to be a good Slytheriiin?
Sequoia: Huuuuh?
Robyn: Is it Blaise?
Sequoia: We shall seeee!
Kim: Continue, please?
Sequoia: Maybe… maybe just every other student is a raving, bloodthirsty wolf. [Kim snorts] Every… every student besides this student.
Kim: That seems fine. I mean, you wouldn't want to make friends with raving, bloodthirsty wolves. Probably.
Sequoia: Huh? I mean, depends on who you are.
Robyn: It is high school. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: All right, here we go, this is the big reveal. Are you ready? Are you ready?
Kim: Never. Never once.
Sequoia: All right. You would think that being the daughter of the great Harry Potter would make people like me better.
Kim: Yeeees!
Sequoia: Next gen! Next gen! Next geeeen!
Kim: Next gen? Thank you. [Sequoia laughs] What?!
Robyn: I hate it. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Fuck!
Robyn: I hate it!
Sequoia: Oooh!
Kim: Fuck me. Argh!
Sequoia: We never do next gen.
Robyn: It's usually… you know.
Kim: Love it. I love…
Sequoia: Questionable at best.
Robyn: Yeah.
Kim: Love Harry having unpopular children. That's a great trope.
Robyn: What is up with that?
Sequoia: I don't know!
Kim: It's not. I hate it. Thank you. [Sequoia laughs]
Robyn: Harry is pretty popular.
Kim: [laughing] Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Robyn: He, like, tries hard.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Robyn: If he's with Ginny, and I don’t… we don't know this yet…
Kim: We don't know who this kid's mom is yet.
Robyn: Ginny was popular, and an athlete, and tried hard. They got money.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Robyn: Harry was humble, so he wasn't like Draco with money.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Robyn: I don't understand it.
Sequoia: Yeah. ‘Cause you would think that they just like… that a child of Harry Potter and probably Ginny would be, like, raised to be, like, nice.
Robyn: Yeah! [Kim and Robyn make agreeing sounds]
Sequoia: And really humble about their money because of Ginny and Ginny's family, and, like, really accepting of all people.
Kim: You would think those things.
Sequoia: And just like a genuinely nice person. So, like, why would everyone hate them?
Kim: You would think those things. Yup.
Robyn: Right? I don't get it.
Kim: What's happening today, though?
Sequoia: What's happening today, though? This is the daughter of the great Harry Potter, no one likes her, she has one friend, it's a fox weasel named Dust. [laughs] [clears throat] You would think that being the daughter of the great Harry Potter would make people like me better. And it used to. Until I learned that they only liked me so they could get to know my dad.
Kim and Robyn: Awww.
Sequoia: Ever since then, I avoided people completely.
Kim: Awww.
Sequoia: Tear.
Kim: This is tragic.
Sequoia: Tear.
Robyn: Where is the Hogwarts guidance counselor? Like, therapy? Work it out!
Kim: [singing] Somebody help these children!
Sequoia: [laughs] Whooo. My brother Tristan, on the other hand…
Robyn: Tristan?
Kim: Tristan.
Sequoia: Yeah. Tristan.
Kim: That's… that's better than normal. [Sequoia laughs] For names.
Robyn: I mean, that's not Albus Severus, so… [Kim laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah. Yeah.
Kim: Yeah, actually, that's weird. Isn't that… are you sure that kid's name is not James?
Robyn: Right?
Kim: [mumbling] I mean, are you sure?
Sequoia: Yeah. Even pre Deathly Hallows, everybody was like, yeah, that kid's name's gonna be James.
Kim: Duh.
Sequoia: Duh.
Robyn: Oh, so Tristan is the brother! My brother Tristan?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Robyn: I thought her name was Tristan. And I was like, I mean, you know. That's cool.
Sequoia: Yeah, she hasn't… we haven't gotten her name yet.
Robyn: Okay, I'm back.
Sequoia: My brother Tristan, on the other hand, took advantage of his fame, and it worked for him.
Kim Wow.
Sequoia: He was the captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team and the most favored jock among all the girls.
Kim: [snorts] Or he was good at sports, and he deserved… never mind. [Sequoia laughs]
Robyn: And if he was the captain of the quidditch team, I mean, girls like that generally.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: He was the most favored jock among all the girls.
Kim: And this character hates jocks.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Robyn: Yeah.
Sequoia: This character is absolutely a hundred percent not like other girls. [Robyn scoffs] [Kim and Sequoia laugh] She doesn't like jocks.
Robyn: No. Not at all.
Sequoia: On the plus side, I was great at quidditch, too.
Kim Hmm.
Sequoia: I was one of the greatest chasers that Hufflepuff had ever seen.
Kim: A Puff!
Robyn: She's a Puff!
Sequoia: She's a Puff!
Kim: Weeeird. Okay.
Sequoia: They're never Puffs!
Kim: They're never Puffs.
Sequoia: Their kids are never Puffs!
Kim: Never Puffs. No one's ever a Puff. [Robyn and Sequoia laugh] What's happening? But she dropped out of quidditch because quidditch is for squares. Quidditch is for people with friends.
Robyn: Too many people!
Kim and Sequoia: [laughing] Yeah.
Robyn: Yeah. Too popular. [laughs] And it's… they’re Hufflepuff.
Sequoia: With no friends? Don't Hufflepuffs…
Kim: Yeah, that's…
Sequoia: Aren't Hufflepuffs, like, the friendliest?
Kim: You would think, you would think.
Robyn: You would think.
Kim: Apparently, they're all shitty. Every Hufflepuff is shitty. And only in for her fame. [Robyn and Sequoia laugh] Her dad's fame. Not even her fame. Never mind.
Sequoia: That's nothing.
Kim: Wow.
Sequoia: I was one of the greatest chasers that Hufflepuff had ever seen, but that didn't make me any more popular. Yes it did!
Kim: Yes it did.
Sequoia: You were popular!
Robyn: You were popular.
Sequoia: And then you decided not to be popular!
Kim: What is happening?
Robyn: I don't like her. [Kim laughs]
Sequoia: She's mad. Yeah, she's mad because she's not popular. But she's also mad because people want to be her friend…
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: …but not for the right reasons.
Kim: This poor kid.
Robyn: You know, it be's like that sometimes, I guess. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] When you have everything handed to you…
Kim: Yeah!
Robyn: …and you have literally no issues. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: I spend most of my time locked up in my room, at home and at school, with my guitar, playing endlessly. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Oh, yes.
Robyn: I don't like her at all. We're only on… is this still the first sentence?
Kim: Yes. This has all been one sentence.
Robyn: I would've closed it so fast and been like, ew, next. [Kim and Sequoia still laughing]
Sequoia: And then on the other side of the coin, there was me. I opened it and as soon as we got to a guitar, I was like, yes, this is it! This is the one!
Kim: What… are we going to get some… does she write her own songs or…?
Sequoia: [laughs] She's definitely…
Kim: [singing] My life is so hard. My dad's really popular! That's how they go. [Robyn and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: Oh, yeah. She's definitely got singer-songwriter vibes.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: Just sort of, like, as a person.
Kim: Yuup.
Sequoia: But I definitely think that she is at… in the corner at the party playing Wonderwall on her guitar as well.
Kim: Pfffft, shit! [laughs] [shouting in an obnoxious voice] Anyway, party goers! I'm going to play a song now! [Robyn and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: She’s like, I brought my guitar to the party because I don't have any friends.
Robyn: Oh, man.
Sequoia: [chuckling] I brought my guitar and my weasel.
Kim: [singing] Tah na nun na!
Sequoia: Fox. To the party. We're singing Wonderwall.
Kim: [singing tunelessly] Hey Sequoia, guess what you've just done to our playlist listeners?
Sequoia: Now I have to put Wonderwall on the playlist! Wow, that makes me sad. Now I'm sad I said that.
Kim: You did that! To yourself.
Sequoia: Whoo! All right, now we're about to get her name.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: "Hey, Jay-cee!" Tristan knocked me out of my daydreams.
Kim: Jay-cee?
Sequoia: Jay-cee. I think that's how it's… it's J-A-Y-C-E.
Robyn: Jace?
Kim: I think it's Jace.
Sequoia: Because later… okay, so later it is spelled J-A-Y-C-E-E.
Kim: [splutters] Wha… wh… oh… ho… [laughs] Oh nooo. Oh noooo.
Sequoia: [laughing] So I think… so I think her nickname is to just take one E off of the end? And then call her Jace instead of Jay-cee.
Kim: You think it's a nickname and not just a typo. My dude.
Sequoia: I think it's a nickname.
Kim: [whispering] Fuck. That’s good.
Robyn: I mean, me and my husband, JC Chávez… [Kim and Sequoia laugh] [unintelligible] …like not in the notebook.
Sequoia: Yep. [laughs] Oh. So good. "Hey, Jayce!" Tristan knocked me out of my daydreams. [deep, angsty voice, used for Tristan throughout] "We're there, come on. Unless you'd rather stay here, because if you don't come to school that means less embarrassment for me."
Robyn: I don't like him either.
Kim: We're there? Are they… are they driving? Are they not on the train?
Sequoia: They're not on the train yet. They're get… they're just getting to...
Kim: Oh, okay, gotcha, gotcha.
Sequoia: They're just getting to the station to get on the train.
Kim: Fine. I understand what's happening.
Robyn: I do not.
Sequoia: Tristan. He's in a… he's a… he's a butt.
Kim: Tristan's a dick. Cool.
Sequoia: [with extreme vocal fry] "Tristan.”
Kim: FUCK!
Sequoia: "Leave your sister alone."
Kim: [shouting] Sequoia, are you fucking kidding me?!
Sequoia: I'm not kidding!
Kim: Are you fucking kidding me?! Is this a…
Sequoia: I'm not kidding.
Kim: …fucking Harry/Cho?!
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: Oh, you fuckhead! [Sequoia laughs] That is so powerful of a move to do in the days before Deathly Hallows! Excuse me?!
Sequoia: Right? Someone the days before Deathly Hallows was, you know, was like, you know what’s end game? Harry/Cho.
Robyn: Yeah! Obviously.
Sequoia: What a… what? What a…
Kim: What a world!
Robyn: The tension never went away.
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh my gosh.
Kim: Cho's a jock, too. Make sense that their kids are jocks.
Sequoia: Yeah. They're both quidditch players, they gave birth to some quidditch players, but I mean, hold for the text, please, on Cho's actual parental status to both of these children.
Kim: The drama!
Sequoia: [laughs] [singing] This is where we get the drama!
Robyn: This can't be right. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Oh, Cho.
Sequoia: Okay.
Robyn: This can't be real. Okay.
Sequoia: "Tristan, leave your sister alone," Mrs. Potter hissed. "Technically, she's not my real sister." [Kim and Sequoia laugh] [Robyn sighs] This kid is such an asshole.
Kim: You're not my real mom!
Kim and Sequoia: Not my real sister!
Sequoia: [mean Tristan voice] You suck! You embarrass me, bye!
Kim: Oh, my gosh. Harry having shitty kids is maybe one of my favorite things. I don't know. I hate it so much that it's so funny.
Robyn: Yeah.
Sequoia: It's… it's funny because it's unreasonable.
Kim: Yeah!
Robyn: It's so unreason... it's so unreasonable.
Kim: There's this poor boy, who all he's ever wanted is a family, and he gets shitty kids. [Sequoia laughs] Love it.
Sequoia: "Technically, she's not my real sister!" he pointed out as he slid out of the door of the car. "Half sister or not, you're still related, and you need to be nice." "Thanks, Cho," I sighed, and followed him out of the car, grabbing my duffle bag.
Kim: Mkay.
Sequoia: "Jaycee," Dad said from behind the small blue Corvette.
Kim: [laughs] Just…
Sequoia: [laughing] I don't know why we needed to specify what the car was!
Robyn: Are they wizards or not? Is it… like, what?
Sequoia: [laughs] They gotta… Harry's always had a dream, and his dream has been to own…
Kim: Blue Corvette.
Sequoia: …a small, blue Corvette. [laughs]
Kim: Weird.
Robyn: Weird. Okay.
Kim: I like it.
Sequoia: I wonder how much money a Corvette costs in galleons.
Kim: Galleons cost…
Robyn: Oooh.
Kim: …some money.
Sequoia: [laughs] Some money. Probably a lot. It's okay, they're rich.
Robyn: Bet they are.
Sequoia: "Jaycee," dad said from behind the small blue Corvette. "Come here, would you?" Crap. I was busted.
Kim: Busted for what? [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: It's like, ugh, dad's got that tone. [laughs]
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Dad hated it when I called Cho "Cho".
Kim: Oh.
Robyn: Yeah, ‘cause it's rude!
Sequoia: [laughs] Just because she was the only mother I ever knew didn't mean I had to think of her as my [laughing] mom!
Kim: [laughing] Oh no!
Sequoia: [still laughing] Oh no.
Kim: [whining] Oh no. This is tragic!
Sequoia: Oh no, oh no.
Kim: Why is this tagged drama? This is a tragedy! [Sequoia laughs]
Robyn: Melodrama.
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh!
Kim: [laughing] Just ‘cause you've loved me my entire life and raised me as your own I have to call you mom?
Sequoia: [laughs loudly] These are the shittiest kids!
Robyn: Whaaat?
Sequoia: I hate them!
Kim: My god. Incredible.
Sequoia: "Jaycee," he scolded in hushed tones. "How many times do I need to tell you? You need to treat your mother with respect." "She's not my mom!" [Kim bursts out laughing] [Sequoia laughs] Just like, the you're not my real mom energy.
Kim: Oh!
Robyn: I got nothing. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: It's so much of whatever it is. It is so much of it. Sequoia!
Sequoia: [laughs] Cho, you're not my real mom! [Kim sighs]
Robyn: Oh my god. I have nothing. Nothing.
Kim: Just… whoo!
Sequoia: Oh no!
Robyn: Here comes some strange muggle with a blow torch, saying I hate you! [Kim and Sequoia laugh] And burns it all down. And her name is Robyn, inexplicably, we don't know why. The end. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Shitty kid.
Sequoia: Incredible. "Okay, okay. I'll be nice." I pulled away from him and sauntered toward the station. A fluffy little head poked out of my backpack and licked my face. "Not now, Dust. You need to stay in there until we get on the train."
Robyn: Because you're not a part of the approved list of pets!
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah, Dust! I pushed its head back into the backpack. "I don't know why they let you have that thing.”
Kim: Oh, okay.
Sequoia: Tristan grimaced. "Why not? It's not against school rules." Apparently they added martens to the…
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: …list of approved… [bursts out laughing]
Kim: Fine. Tristan's not aware of that. Never mind. It's fine.
Robyn: Why not?
Sequoia: It's… it's… I mean, it's close enough to a rat…
Kim: It’s fine. Okay, so these kids aren't siblings and Cho's not Jaycee's mom.
Sequoia: Cho… Cho's Tristan's mom.
Kim: That's the family make up? Cho's Tristan's mom? Okay. Tristan's older than Jaycee? Is that right?
Robyn: Jaycee's older than Tristan.
Kim: Okay, okay, okay!
Sequoia Yeah.
Kim: Okay. It's all coming… I am not following.
Sequoia: [laughing] It's all coming together? It's not. And it won't.
Kim: 'Kay.
Sequoia "Well, it should be. Owls are much more suitable pets, and not so vicious." "Dust isn't vicious, he just doesn't like you." Dust had been known to bite Tristan a few times, but only because he deserved it. [Kim and Robyn snort] "Okay, here we are!" Dad exclaimed as we reached a tall pillar between platforms nine and ten.
Kim: Harry's like, here we are! I can stop seeing you shitty kids now! Bye! We'll leave you right here!
Sequoia: [laughing] Get out of here, get out of my house!
Robyn: Don't bother coming home for Christmas!
Kim: Please don't!
Robyn: Easter. Thanksgiving. I guess they don't do Thanksgiving, but you know, don't bother coming home, see you in the summer.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Robyn: When I'm legally obligated to take you back. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] "You two be good at school and enjoy it."
Kim: Thanks, daaad!
Sequoia: "Oooh!" Cho screeched. "I can't believe this is your last year at Hogwarts. I can't believe my babies grew up so fast." So they're both in their last year, but she is older than him.
Robyn: Harry Potter was a rolling stone? What's happening?
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs]
Robyn: What?
Kim: What?
Sequoia: They're… about… I think later in the story, it tells us they are eight months apart. [Kim splutters and laughs] So…
Kim: Excuse me? Are we gonna find out who this kid's mom is or not?
Sequoia: The drama!
Kim: Ugh!
Sequoia: The drama!
Kim: Sequoia!
Robyn: Where is Maury when you need him? [Kim and Sequoia laugh] Harry Potter, you are the father.
Sequoia: [laughs] Argh! Okay.
Robyn: Oh my god. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! So this means, either… either… either Harry and the mom broke up, or the mom died.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: Right.
Robyn: Right. So either way, Harry…
Kim: Uh huh.
Robyn: …has impregnated Cho and the mom very close together.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Robyn: If the mom died…
Kim: Uh huh?!
Robyn: …Harry Potter was cheating on his sick/dying pregnant wife. [Kim and Sequoia squeal and laugh]
Kim: Harry, what the fuck, dude?
Sequoia: Who is Harry today?!
Kim: [laughing] What the fuck?
Sequoia He has a blue Corvette. He's a… he's a… he's a player.
Robyn: He's got a mid life crisis. But… [makes incredulous noises]
Kim: Harry!
Sequoia: Harry!
Robyn: Or was he with Cho and then had an indiscretion?
Sequoia: Mm.
Kim: Hmm.
Robyn: Either way, this is like…
Kim: This is bad.
Sequoia: This is the hot goss, is what this is!
Robyn: I mean…
Kim: Or Tristan was a month early and there was ten minutes of singleness. [everyone laughs]
Robyn: Rita Skeeter having a field day!
Kim: Right?! Where is Rita?
Sequoia: Right?
Robyn: The only person I want to… I want to hear from. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: Oh my gosh. She wrapped us both in a great big hug and started to cry. "Thanks… Mom." "We'll be back for Christmas," Tristan promised.
Kim: [in a small voice] Please don't.
Sequoia: Dad moved towards me again. "You take care of your little brother." He smiled. Here we go. Tristan was only eight months younger than me, and it just tickled Dad to see… to tease him like that.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: "I will." I smiled at Tristan and he glared back. "Bye, Daddy!" He pulled me into a big hug and wouldn't let go for some time. This was one of the few times the two of us actually shared an affection… affectionate moment.
Kim: This is tragic.
Sequoia: Dad always said I was more like my mom than him, except for my eyes.
Robyn: Who's your mom?
Kim: Except for her eyes, of course except for her eyes. Please! [Sequoia laughs] Who's your mom?!
Sequoia: Her eyes are emerald green.
Kim: ‘Course they are.
Sequoia: Except for my eyes, who are emerald green.
Kim: Of course they are. Obviously. Boring.
Sequoia: [laughs] Boring! He pulled away and smiled at me. "Oh, I almost forgot!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bunch of brochures. "I thought you might want to look at these while you're at school. Just think about which one you want to go to." Did I forget to mention that my dad was bent on me going to a respectable wizarding college…
Kim: Wizarding college!
Sequoia: …the second I was [starts to laugh] out of Hogwarts? [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Wizarding college!
Sequoia: Oh. Robyn almost entirely dropped out of frame. [laughs]
Robyn: First off, it's a university. [Sequoia laughs] You're in Britain. Secondly, WHAT?! [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: I mean, look, why isn't there a wizard university? [laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah, but actually.
Robyn: There should be! There should be.
Sequoia: They should go to college!
Robyn: Yeah. So maybe they like post Voldemort were like, you know what, secondary education is really the way to go, or…
Kim: Mhm.
Robyn: Or post secondary education, I guess. Because we, for some reason, every forty to fifty years have a, you know, homicidal maniac kind of take over. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] And I just think that, you know…
Sequoia: Yeah!
Robyn: …sometimes we sort too soon and sometimes we give kids, we prep them to make it on their own.
Sequoia: Also, like, there's one wizarding high school.
Kim: Uh huh. She'd have to go international.
Sequoia: Yeah. I feel like…
Kim: There's half a wizarding university.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah. I feel like if you're going smaller as you go up, then there's like one wizard university and like two in the whole world.
Kim: And there's one student.
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs] Ugh.
Kim: Silly.
Sequoia: Yeah, he pretty much had my life planned out for me.
Kim: Oh.
Robyn: Well, good. ‘Cause you're awful, so you need someone to do that. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: She just wants to play her music. She's gonna succeed. She's gonna make it big as a singer/songwriter.
Robyn: I completely forgot she played guitar. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Her dad just doesn't understand.
Robyn: Yeah.
Sequoia: She just wants to move to L.A.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: And become a musician.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And dad… dad just doesn't get it.
Kim: He doesn't get it.
Sequoia: He doesn’t get it. "Thanks, Dad," I stuttered. "I will." Right before I throw them in the fire, I thought. I hugged him one last time and waved goodbye. Tristan led the way through the magic pillar that led to the Hogwarts Express. The second we were there, he blew me off to go find his friends.
Kim: Yeah, because you're so mean.
Robyn: You're mean to him!
Sequoia: You suck, man! Yeah!
Kim: You’re so mean.
Robyn: You just told him he wasn't your brother!
Sequoia: Yeah! Uncool! I was left alone again with only my luggage, guitar, and Dust at my side. I sighed heavily and stepped onto the train. We must have been later than we thought, because all the compartments were full. I slumped all the way to the back compartment and swung open the door. I was shocked to see a tall, dark haired boy sitting in the window seat all alone.
Robyn: Draco's kid. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Is she not gonna recognize a classmate she's been going to school with for seven years?
Sequoia: [mumbling] I dunno.
Kim: I'm excited for her to not!
Sequoia: We'll see. We’ll see! "Oh, I'm sorry!" I jumped. "I'll just find another place." Even more to my surprise, he argued with me. "No, stay. It's okay. This was the last empty one." "Well, won't your friends mind their seats being stolen?" "Nah, actually, I'm alone." He gestured towards the seat across from him. They're two loners! They're two loners…
Kim: Two loners!
Sequoia: …out here in the world.
Kim Meeting here on the train.
Sequoia: "Hey," he said, staring at me with great intent, "you're that Potter girl, right?" "I prefer being called Jaycee, but, yeah, that's me." [Robyn laughs] I rolled my eyes.
Kim: Yeah. I mean, that Potter girl isn't exactly a polite way to refer to someone.
Sequoia: No, no, not great. "Why? Did the other girls tell you to avoid me?"
Kim: [loftily] Those other girls! So rude they are! [Robyn and Sequoia laugh] They just don't get Jaycee, those other girls!
Sequoia: [still laughing] The nebulous other girls!
Robyn: From that notoriously awful and bullying Hufflepuff house.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Exactly. Yeah. You wouldn't expect anything…
Kim: Oh my…
Sequoia: …different from them, honestly. Those other girls.
Robyn: Cliquish!
Kim: Gosh. You know, these stories with our… with our not like other girls main characters, they always make me so sad.
Sequoia: They do. They do. But listen!
Kim: ‘Cause you know…. you know the author… ugh.
Sequoia: Yeah, we all did it.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And we just… we'd, you know, we've… we've grown up and grown out of our not like other girls phase, hopefully.
Robyn: What are you talking about? I am not like other girls. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: I mean, what?
Robyn: I'm very sad that you would even think that. Of me.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Sorry to include you in that.
Sequoia: And I'm very sorry, I'm very sorry. Do you play the guitar?
Robyn: [laughing] I do not. I bought one though, in high school.
Sequoia: Ah! Nice.
Kim: Oh?
Sequoia: Nice.
Robyn: I quit. But I bought it! And I didn't play it. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Incredible. "Why? Did the other girls tell you to avoid me?" "No. But your brother did."
Robyn: Way to look out!
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: Just your brother was like, that girl sucks!
Kim: Look, I know she's my sister, but she's really mean.
Sequoia: Super mean!
Robyn: Yeah.
Sequoia: Don't hang out with her! "Well, most people around here know instinctively to avoid me. They don't have to be told by the Gryffindor jerks like my half brother. You must be new here."
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: "What's your name?"
Kim: Is he new?
Sequoia: He laughed a little. "Ian. Ian Lunk."
Kim: Lunk?
Robyn: [laughing] His name!
Kim: Lunk?
Sequoia: I dunno, they came up with a new character, and that… and the character's name is Ian Lunk. L-U-N-K.
Kim: Okaaay!
Sequoia: Whooo! "Did you transfer to Hogwarts from another school?" "Sort of. I was going to a school in America…"
Kim: Yesss!
Sequoia: “…and moved back here with my mom when my dad got married again."
Kim: Oh, divorce. The drama.
Sequoia: The drama!
Kim: The drama.
Sequoia: Listen, there's a lot of family drama happening.
Kim: There is a lot of family drama.
Sequoia: A lot of parental drama…
Kim: Uh huh!
Robyn: Broken marriage, broken homes, you know?
Sequoia: So sad.
Kim: Sad.
Sequoia: These kids, these kids.
Kim: Because they get married at eighteen. [Sequoia laughs]
Robyn: Exactly! And then they have to live to be a hundred and fifteen.
Kim: Right?
Sequoia: Exactly!
Robyn: It's too much time with one person!
Kim: Too much.
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh my gosh.
Kim: There are only five wizards, though, so, like, choices are limited.
Robyn: Gotta get ‘em quick. [everyone laughs] Lock it down. [sighs]
Kim: Is this… is this kid related to characters we know? Or is he just really an American unknown?
Robyn: I think he's just like a… a straight up American OC.
Kim: Huh!
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Weird.
Robyn: I don't buy it. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: "Anything from the trolley, dears?" a little old woman smiled from the doorway. We must have been talking for a while. It takes the trolley about half the trip to get all the way back here.
Kim: 'Kay.
Sequoia: They talked a little bit that I cut.
Kim: Yeah, that's fine.
Robyn: Oh.
Sequoia: But only a little bit. They only talk for, like, five minutes.
Kim: They're talking really slow. Continue.
Sequoia: "No, thank you." Ian smiled professionally, and I nodded.
Kim: Professionally. [laughs] Nice adverb.
Sequoia: "So wait, I'm confused," I said. "You say you lived in America, but you have an English accent." "I lived here till I was five and, well, it never wore off, I guess."
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: The rest of the ride was filled with pleasant conversation. Ian was a nice kid, very sincere and sweet. But I had no doubt that when we got to school and he got to know the other kids, he would start to ignore me like everyone else.
Robyn: Mhm. ‘Cause you suck!
Kim: They didn't ignore you until you dumped them all!
Sequoia: Yeah!
Robyn: Mhm!
Sequoia: No one… no one was ignoring you! So I enjoyed the time I had with him while I could.
Kim: This is really sad. Is that the end?
Sequoia: That's the end. That's where it stops.
Kim: You dummy.
Sequoia: That's all. That's all we got.
Kim: We don't get her mom?!
Sequoia: No! We don't get her mom.
Kim: Fuck you, dude!
Sequoia: I know.
Robyn: I know, we need the mom.
Sequoia: Who do you think the mom is?
Kim: G… Gin… nny?
Robyn: Ginny?
Sequoia: Ginny? Yeah, that's sort of where I was thinking as well.
Kim: Is there a character that's really rude? Maybe it's Pansy! [Sequoia laughs]
Robyn: Oh my god, I need the story of how that went down!
Sequoia: Yeah!
Robyn: If it is Pansy.
Sequoia: Yes! Yeah, the… the summary of the story… oh, wait, sorry. [singing] The summaryyy!
Kim: Thank you.
Sequoia: Of this story is, Harry Potter's daughter is off to finish her school life. But some things change in his plans for her when she falls in love and learns the dark secret of his past.
Kim: Ooh! Of Harry's past?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Dang! What did they have planned?
Robyn: Maybe that he cheated on her mom?
Kim: Yeah, right. I think that's it.
Sequoia: It doesn't seem… that's not a secret! This is not a secret.
Kim: Yeah. Math doesn't… it's okay.
Robyn: The math ain't mathin'!
Sequoia: Mhm!
Kim: It's okay, Jaycee.
Robyn: Phew!
Sequoia: The dark secret of his past…
Kim: Dark secret
Sequoia: We'll never know the dark secret of Harry's past.
Kim: I mean, let's see. The other option is that she's like some descendant of Voldemort that Harry adopted or something.
Robyn: Oh my god.
Sequoia: Oh, true.
Kim: That's why the math doesn't work out.
Sequoia: Right!
Robyn: Damn.
Kim: [dramatically] The drama!
Sequoia: Mmm. That's good. That's good.
Kim: Well, I think all of my predictions were fucking wrong.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah, that's gonna be no points all around.
Robyn: Yeah.
Sequoia: All around.
Robyn: I'm fine with that.
Kim: It's ‘cause you're not here! The studio magic.
Sequoia: Yeah, not… I'm not there for the studio magic.
Kim: Couldn’t draw on the studio magic today.
Sequoia: I mean, that was going to be a really hard one.
Robyn: Yeah.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: Who was gonna guess, you know? Who was gonna guess?
Kim: No. I never… I never expect next gen. This is only like the second one we've ever done.
Sequoia: Right?
Robyn: Tristan? I knew immediately I was not gonna get it. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: Yeah. Yeah. Well, that was this fanfiction that I chose to read to the two of you today. Robyn, I'm sorry that I did this to you, but thanks so much for coming on the podcast. [laugh]
Robyn: Listen, I… you know, I still don't really know why that exists, but I'm… I’m happy to share it with you two, I will say that. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: Yeah. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Robyn: At least we were going on that journey together. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: If people want to find you out on the internet doing some Harry Potter things, or non Harry Potter things, where would they do that?
Robyn: You can go to blackgirlscreate.org, that is where all of our stuff lives. You can follow me on Twitter. I'm usually talking nonsense, fancasting Jane Austen, and…
Sequoia: Nice.
Robyn: …you know, thinking about holding Dev Patel's hand. At Robyn, R-O-B-Y-N, underscore rambles, ‘cause I ramble. Robyn_rambles. You might have guessed from this podcast. And, yeah, that's where you can find me.
Kim: Thanks!
Sequoia: Awesome, awesome. Yeah. Go check out Robyn rambling on Twitter. And if you happen to get the urge to write a Wolfstar version of Persuasion, let us know.
Robyn: Send it to meeeee!
Kim: Yeah, definitely. Let all of us know about…
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Or if you find one.
Robyn: I will be your best frieeeend!
Kim: If you find one, let us know, too.
Sequoia: Excellent. Well, thank you, Robyn. We'll do the… we'll not make you stick around for all the rest of our nonsense.
Robyn: All right. Well, thanks for having me, guys. That was enlightening, I will say. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: That was really fun!
Sequoia: That was really fun. It's so good to be back in the game with having some guests on.
Kim: Hell yeah. It's a fun hang.
Sequoia: Yeah. It's been a while since we've been able to do that. So…
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yaaay! Thanks so much to Robyn for coming on, and you should absolutely go check out Black Girls Create, everything they do.
Kim: They're doing…
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: …they're doing so much cool stuff all the time.
Sequoia: Yeah. Definitely, if you're a fanfiction person, go check out Hogwarts BSU.
Kim: Yeah! Oh yeah. Should we do…
Sequoia: Segments?
Kim: …a segment?
Sequoia: Segments?
Kim: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do some segments.
Sequoia: Let's do it. And the…
Kim: Segment number one, it's time for…
Both: [singing] …a summaryyy!
Kim: From one of you, our dear listeners, still cranking those out.
Sequoia: [laughs] We've got so many of them!
Listener: Penelope Clearwater is having a very bad day. After being teased at breakfast for her bangs, reading a scathing letter from her mother, and receiving less than perfect marks in Charms, all she wants to do is curl up with a good book and a cup of tea. Instead, she's here, having been dragged to this stupid quidditch match by her insufferable classmates. The overcast weather is definitely not helping. She's cold and wet. And, "Sorry, is this seat taken?" Penelope looks up to see a skinny boy with red hair who is valiantly trying to keep the rain off of his glasses. "No, not at all," Penelope says and scoots over. The boy sits down awkwardly and takes off his glasses, rubbing them furiously with his robes. "Here, let me," Penelope offers after a moment, holding out her hand. The boy is hesitant at first, but once Penelope charms the glasses to repel the rain, he quickly becomes ecstatic. "That was incredible!" he says, impressed. Penelope blushes. "What charm was that?" "Impervious," she says quietly. This is the point in the conversation when anyone else would move on and begin to ignore her in favor of someone more interesting. But this boy does the opposite. He lights up and starts talking excitedly about the etymology of various charms and asking her questions and listening intently to the responses. "Is it of the same family as the imperius curse?" he asks, and Penelope explains that no, although they sound similar, they actually have different Latin roots. When she asks what his name is, the boy says "Percy," and, fumbling over his words, asks if she is cold and offers her his cloak. The quidditch match long forgotten, the two continue to discuss the origins of spells and debate their merits. And Penelope begins to think that maybe today wasn't so bad after all.
Sequoia: And now it's time for…
Kim and Sequoia: …the rec zone! Pew pew pew pew pew pewww!
Kim: What have you got for us today, Sequoia?
Sequoia: Today I have a fanfiction called Dysfunctional.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: It is a Pansy Parkinson fanfiction.
Kim: Nice…
Sequoia: It's short.
Kim: …choice.
Sequoia: Yeah. It's about how she wants to be a writer.
Kim: Oh!
Sequoia: And it's really nice. [laughs]
Kim: Nice. Love some sweet, sweet Pansy anything.
Sequoia: Exactly!
Kim: Anything about Pansy, all the time. I always want it.
Sequoia: Yeah, I've been on a Pansy kick lately, so this one was really good.
Kim: I'm always on a Pansy kick.
Sequoia: You can find the link to that fanfiction in the description of this episode. You can also find it on our [singing] website.
Kim: [harmonizing] Fanaticalfics.com.
Sequoia: Also on our website is the story submission form. Do you have a story?
Kim: Choose violence.
Sequoia: [laughs] Choose violence! Send us the…
Kim: I saw… I don't remember who was in the Discord the other day, but somebody was saying, I've been inspired by Jessica and I'm going to choose violence through the submission form, and I was like, these are the most ominous words I've ever read, I think. [Sequoia laughs] So do that, I guess.
Sequoia: Incredible.
Kim: Also on our website, you can find links to our merchandise. We've got a whole bunch of designs on TeePublic, but also some other cool stuff like Yes!! Glitter!!! zines that we made, on our website.
Sequoia: Still got 'em.
Kim: Still got 'em, if you want one.
Sequoia: You can also find us on social media, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook @FanaticalFics. Make sure to go follow us. We'll be tweeting out some of the choicest responses to our weird questions in our annual listener survey. We also have gotten all sorts of good fan art. We're always getting great fan art, great mail, all sorts of things.
Kim: Oh yeah.
Sequoia: So you make sure to check that out.
Kim: Soc meds or you can email us any longer thoughts at fanaticalfics@gmail.com.
Sequoia: If you want to help out the podcast, make sure to leave a review. If you're a listener on Apple Podcasts or if you want to do that on Facebook, it helps people know that this podcast is some something.
Kim: [snickers] This is a podcast! [Sequoia laughs] If I recall…
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: …what our… one of our older asks was. [both laugh] You can also [in clipped tones] trick…
Both: …every…
Sequoia: …one.
Kim: …person into listening to this audio thing.
Sequoia: We've got people tricking like crazy lately.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: We've had some, like… we've had people trick their parents.
Kim: Probably a bad idea.
Sequoia: Gotten some emails about tricking their parents.
Kim: Probably don't do that.
Sequoia: Tricking their siblings.
Kim: Maybe that's probably okay.
Sequoia: Their roommates.
Kim: That’s maybe okay.
Sequoia: Significant others.
Kim: Yeah, that's probably fine.
Sequoia: Strangers.
Kim: Probably d… eh, no. Depends.
Sequoia: [laughs] You can also join us over on Patreon. Like we were saying at the top, we are twenty five patrons away from hitting our newest goal and we'll be doing a fun livestream if we can hit that.
Kim: Hell, yeah.
Sequoia: But also, if you join Patreon at a certain tier for a certain amount of months, you will get a shout out on the podcast in the form of a story summary, which Kim is gonna give us right now. She has an evil look on her face, so let's do it.
Kim: The second wizarding war rages on, but for Harry, Ron and Hermione, the war has become distant. Literally. Dumbledore has arranged to send the Golden Trio away and into hiding to a perfectly normal high school in America.
Sequoia: Incredible!
Kim: Will they be able to blend in?
Sequoia: No!
Kim: What cliques will they join? And how will they handle it when Draco Malfoy gets sent into hiding with them and takes over as the coolest boy in school?
Sequoia: [gasps] Fuck. [both laugh] Thank you so much to Samantha, César, and Jenny Browers. You are amazing.
Kim: Thank you. Thank you also to the Whomping Willows for letting us use their song Wolfstar as our theme song.
Kim and Sequoia: Byeeeee!