Episode 39: The Love Letter/Animal Magnetism
We are finally back! After a series of unfortunate events we have returned to your earbuds. Thank you to everyone who has come to listen since Sequoias episode of Potterless, we are so happy to have you! Sequoias episode of Potterless: https://www.potterlesspodcast.com/episode-61
Recommendations:
The Sum of Draco Malfoy
https://archiveofourown.org/works/285377
Narration Irritation 3: Lemon Bones
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10743404/1/Narration-Irritation-3-Lemon-Bones
Kim: Let’s not talk about dreams.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: [mumbling] I have had so many…
Sequoia: [in a deep sing song voice] I have so many dreams!
Kim: [singing] Dream a little dream with me.
Sequoia: [laughs] What? [both laugh] What is that?
Kim: [laughing] That’s nothing. That is nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Sequoia: What if I use that?
Kim: No, you… I give you… I do not give you permission to use that.
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh no!
[Theme music (Wolfstar by the Whomping Willows: You know we really love you/It ain’t our place to judge you/You’re feeling scared about it/Naturally/There’s no point in hiding/So feel free to start confiding/If you need a good friend/You can count on me/You can count on me/You can count on me)]
Sequoia: Hello! I’m Sequoia Simone.
Kim: And I’m Kim!
Sequoia: And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: It's our podcast about Harry Potter fanfiction.
Sequoia: And there's a bunch of new people. Oh. My. Goodness.
Kim: We… hi.
Sequoia: [laughing] Hello!
Kim: New listeners!
Sequoia: Welcome to the podcast!
Kim: This has been very kind of like nerve wracking and exciting, watching the listens on…
Sequoia: Watching our stats [Kim laughs] has been a… a rollercoaster of emotions.
Kim: So hi, everyone new!
Sequoia: I am so… thank you so much for coming to listen to our podcast. It means a lot to me considering, like, I feel like you're here because you enjoyed my episode of Potterless. So…
Kim: I enjoyed your episode of Potterless.
Sequoia: Thank you!
Kim: I know you still haven’t listened to it, but it was good!
Sequoia: I haven’t.
Kim: It was enjoyable.
Sequoia: [laughing] Good. Good. Yeah, so thank you so much for coming to listen to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed it so far.
Kim: And if you found us some other way, you know, welcome to you as well.
Sequoia: Exactly. Yeah! [both laugh]
Kim: We had a… we got a message today that was like, I was just searching for Harry Potter podcasts and I found you guys and I love you.
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: And I was like, awww.
Sequoia: And I love that.
Kim: So welcome, everyone.
Sequoia: If you haven't listened to the episode of Potterless that I was on, because you're just one of our other listeners, I will link that in the description as well. You should go listen to that. Mike was super, super nice, and he’s…
Kim: Mike’s just really good at what he does.
Sequoia: He's so good at what he does. And he's so the nicest.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: So you should definitely go listen to that. I was also at PodCon this last weekend.
Kim: Yeah. How'd that go for ya?
Sequoia: It was really fun.
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: I got to see some really amazing live shows.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: I went to some panels that made me…
Kim: One of the live shows you went, you were sitting with one of our listeners?
Sequoia: Yes, I was.
Kim: You met a list… did they do the thing that we tell them to?
Sequoia: No. [Kim groans] [both laugh] But I also met her in the context of, like, she's the moderator of the Lady Pod Squad group.
Kim: Oh, sure.
Sequoia: Yeah. So… and I listen to her podcast and she listens to our podcast.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: So hello, Justine! [Kim laughs] It was really nice to, like, talk to somebody who listens to the podcast who I just, like, didn't know in real life already, you know?
Kim: Yeah, for sure.
Sequoia: So that was really awesome. I had a great time.
Kim: Less great time is the saga of unfortunate events that have led to this episode being, what, like a fucking month late?
Sequoia: Yeah, yeah. [Kim laughs] Yeah, we… the last time we recorded… or the last time we…
Kim: Oh, goodness.
Sequoia: …released an episode was about a month ago. And, you know, we're very good about getting them out every two weeks.
Kim: Yeah, yeah.
Sequoia: I feel like we've done a good job with consistency and then…
Kim: Wow.
Sequoia: Wow. [laughs]
Kim: Wow. I've been sick for the last month.
Sequoia: Yeah, which is insane.
Kim: A. I lost my voice for like a week, which is great.
Sequoia: Yeah, you know what? Funny story. Gotta have a voice to do a podcast.
Kim: [laughs] Audio format!
Sequoia: Whaaaat? So that was bad.
Kim: Yeah, that wasn’t great.
Sequoia: And then we finally were like, you know what? Sequoia is about to leave on her big road trip…
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: …towards PodCon, and we gotta record today.
Kim: We gotta get this in. So we go down to the recording studio and what do we find? It's all wet.
Sequoia: It’s all wet.
Kim: It’s so wet. [both laugh]
Sequoia: There’s a lot of water!
Kim: It’s been two weeks since then, and it's still not fixed.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: And the carpet’s still all pulled up and we're just like, fuck.
Sequoia: Yeah so the actual… the spare bedroom recording studio is out of commission.
Kim: Out of commission. And we are recording in our original studio aka Sequoia’s kitchen table.
Sequoia: Yeees. back to our roo-hoo-hoots. I love it.
Kim: At least we remembered to turn the… well I guess the air’s not on now ‘cause it’s not summer.
Sequoia: I did remember to turn it off, though.
Kim: You did? Oh good.
Sequoia: ‘Cause the heat would be cookin’.
Kim: Look… look at us go, learning and growing and…
Sequoia: Growing and not crying.
Kim: …not having weird noises in the background.
Sequoia: Yeah, we tried… we tried to record something while I was on the road, as well. And then I got a…
Kim: You went ahead and just crashed your car.
Sequoia: Crashed my car.
Kim: You were like, fuck this shit. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Stupid podcast! Gonna crash my car into this other car. [Kim laughs] Yeah, so, you know, I live in Utah, and my car is at an auto body shop in California. [laughs]
Kim: Niiiiice.
Sequoia: So we've had a series of unfortunate events that have led us to not being able to release until now, but we are so. Happy. To be back.
Kim: I've got some weird shit today.
Sequoia: I am so happy to be back. [both laugh] Before we get into it, since we haven't recorded in a while…
Kim: So long.
Sequoia: …we do have a little bit of a backlog of reviews.
Kim: The last episode we released we recorded…
Both: …on Thanksgiving.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: So we have tons of reviews!
Sequoia: Yeah, so we got to give our reviews a shout. Out. Let’s. Go!
Kim: Shout out to e.maffei! I think.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Why not?
Sequoia: It says we’re one of their favorite podcasts. Thank you! Our next review comes from ivictoria14, who is Ivan who tweets at us a lot.
Kim: Oh!
Sequoia: So thank you for leaving us a review, Ivan. And, you know, of course, come for the fanfiction, stay for the trash commentary.
Kim: [laughs] We are trash. That's true. [Sequoia laughs] Shout out to Jhanaway, who says they've been listening non stop for the last two weeks, which I would not recommend. Sequoia laughs] Just gonna point out don’t do that. Don’t do that.
Sequoia: I would recommend it. Fill your life with our voices. Our next review comes from Smiles and Scowls, who laughs out loud at every episode.
Kim: Shout out to Vicisdabomb.org.
Sequoia: Oh, hell yeah! [both laugh]
Kim: That’s a great… that’s a great username.
Sequoia: I love that.
Kim: This person says this is their all time favorite podcast.
Sequoia: Excellent. Yes.
Kim: [high pitched] Sure! [laughs]
Sequoia: We love you. Thank you. Our next review comes from Delikizzz. Several Zs on the end there.
Kim: Uh huh. That’s important.
Sequoia: Who listens to our podcast on their long drive to work, which is a great podcast listening time. We're glad that we can psych you up to have to go to work.
Kim: [chanting] PSYCH YOU UP FOR WORRRK!
Sequoia: FOR WORRK!
Kim: All right, next shout out goes to bbrghtgfdvfxvhijgrewsfh. [both laugh helplessly]
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: [flatly] Thanks for your review. [both laugh loudly]
Sequoia: And our final shout out review today comes from Casey_Leigh_ and it says that they think we are so unique, entertaining and relatable. [sing song voice] #Relatable. [pause] Are we relatable?
Kim: Ehhhhhhhh I certainly hope not. [Sequoia laughs] I hope that you guys are all doing better than we are. [Sequoia laughs] That's my hope for all of you.
Sequoia: It’s like, oh yeah, my basement flooded and I crashed my car in a different state this week, too. [Kim laughs] #Relatable. [both laugh]
Kim: Oh my god. Sure.
Sequoia: All right, so thank you to everybody who leaves us reviews on iTunes. We will always shout you out at the beginning of the episode, so remember to leave us a review.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: Let's read some fanfiction or something.
Kim: [quietly] Oh, yeah.
Sequoia: Great. For those of you who are new to the podcast, if you haven't listened before, before we read the fanfiction, we do predictions.
Kim: Yes. We. Do.
Sequoia: We make predictions that are wrong.
Kim: Ev… no!
Sequoia: [laughing] You make predictions that are right. Listen.
Kim: I wonder… I’ve been wondering if people, like, are starting to suspect that we are doing this on purpose. Because of, like, how bad we are at this.
Sequoia: I'm not doing it on purpose! I'm trying!
Kim: And also I think that the probably the more suspicious thing is how we make a prediction and then it's wrong in the first sentence every time. [Sequoia laughs] We’re not planning this. We're just that stupid.
Sequoia: We are just honestly that bad. And you know what? I asked a listener at PodCon if we should continue to do this bit, where we’re… we talk about how bad we are predictions. And she said yes, so we’re gonna continue doing it.
Kim: Oh, great.
Sequoia: Forever.
Kim: Sure. [laughs]
Sequoia: So I would like to make some predictions. You're reading two today, right?
Kim: I am reading two. So…
Sequoia: Oh, hell yeah, we are back to our roots. What's up?
Kim: Two short, weird things.
Sequoia: Oh yeah!
Kim: Got ‘em for you! And it's time…
Sequoia: Don't forget to tweet your predictions at us. Do @ us. And hashtag them fanfic divination.
Kim: This first one is called The Love Letter.
Sequoia: Ooh, YES!
Kim: It's from our Archive Of Our Own, so it doesn't actually have… well, it's got one tag. I'm going to tag it in addition to this one tag, though. I would tag it romance and angst.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: They tagged it angst, but I would also add the romance tag, and this one came out like right before book five came out.
Sequoia: Oh shit. Okay. Right before book five, romance/angst, and Love Letter makes me think that there is going to be a love letter sent to an unrequited love.
Kim: Okay, unrequited.
Sequoia: Unrequited love. Let's see. I'm going to say that the recipient of the love letter is Hermione Granger.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: And I’m gonna make a non love letter centered prediction. Gotta hedge my bets. I’m trying. [Kim laughs] I'm going to say that there is a conflict that could be easily resolved with communication.
Kim: [snorts] Ssssure. We’ll… we'll talk about that afterwards.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: I think we're gonna have to talk about that one.
Sequoia: Great. Cool, that's fine.
Kim: But let's get into it.
Sequoia: [whispering] All right, I’m ready.
Kim: “My love. I feel that I am so lost. [Sequoia laughs] I watch you in class.”
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh no. [both laugh] Great.
Kim: Always what you want to hear.
Sequoia: Yeah, exactly.
Kim: That someone is watching you and you have not noticed.
Sequoia: Man, I thought somebody was watching me in class!
Kim: [laughs] “And although a perfectly desirable man sits next to me, I pine for you.”
Sequoia: A woman. [Kim laughs] Yes, good! [both laugh]
Kim: “Your soft lips, your hair that is so wild, your deep eyes…”
Sequoia: Oh my god! Is it to Hermione?!
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: YES!
Kim: It is.
Sequoia: Yes! [laughs triumphantly]
Kim: [laughing] Damnit.
Sequoia: Wow! Amazing.
Kim: All right. [Sequoia still laughing] Wrap it up.
Sequoia: [laughs some more] I will. Continue.
Kim: “I want to find you in some dark place.”
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh, Jesus Christ! [both laugh]
Kim: I hope that I can… I need you to cut that for me.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: And I'm not going to put it on like a speaker and play it under your bed at night. [both now wheezing from laughter] But I need it for unrelated reasons to that.
Sequoia: [laughing] Okay, great. Yeah, sure, that sounds fine. Sure, I'll do that.
Kim: “I want to find you in some dark place and smother you with kisses.”
Sequoia: Oh! [cutesy voice] Aww, smother you with kisses. [both laugh]
Kim: This person… this person has a way with words.
Sequoia: Listen, they turned it around.
Kim: I'm watching you and I want to smother you.
Sequoia: [high pitched voice] With kisses!
Kim: “However, it cannot be.”
Sequoia: Oooh, why?
Kim: “Our very births, our very beings…”
Sequoia: [quietly] Oh no.
Kim: “...are against this love I share with you.”
Sequoia: Share?
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Do they? Oh, so it’s maybe… [both mumble] maybe it’s not unrequited.
Kim: Hold for the text!
Sequoia: Okay!
Kim: “You know not who I am, nor why our beings are so close, yet so far apart.” [laughs]
Sequoia: What the fuck?
Kim: It’s gonna get real Shakespeare poeticy.
Sequoia: I sit next to you in class and you don't know my name. Or who I am, or that I stare at you [Kim laughs] in the dark.
Kim: [pauses to collect herself] “You do not know any of the obstacles in our way, yet you seem to return my love in your letters.”
Sequoia: Letters? Oh, yeah. Okay, great. Good.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah, more letters.
Sequoia: But she doesn't know who they are?
Kim: Yeah, but she’s into it.
Sequoia: Anonymous letters.
Kim: She's into it. Would you be into it? I don’t know that I would…
Sequoia: Anonymous letters? No!
Kim: No.
Sequoia: Absolutely not.
Kim: No.
Sequoia: That’s creepy. [laughs]
Kim: Why are you answering them, Hermione?
Sequoia: Especially like, [girly voice] oh, I got an anonymous letter about someone who'd like to smother me in the dark. [both laugh]
Kim: Maybe they’re not all like this.
Sequoia: [girly voice] I love this!
Kim: Although I feel like they're probably all like this.
Sequoia: They are all like this! [both laugh] This person has a style, okay? They have a style.
Kim: This person does have [suggestive voice] a style.
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh my god, what does that mean? [continues to laugh]
Kim: You’ll see. “Let it be true, let it not all be a sham! I burn for you!”
Sequoia: Oh my god! [both laugh]
Kim: “Write your reply as soon as you can. Hurry, for my heart has fragile wings that should break should you not be swift!”
Sequoia: Wow! It's beautiful and haunting.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And [pause] scary! [both laugh]
Kim: Those are the three things I try to hit in all of my love communications.
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh, yeah, I would…
KIm: I wouldn't say haunting or beautiful, but scary.
Sequoia: Scary. Just scary. Scary’s fine. I think I would really want to swiftly reply something like, oh my god, please stop writing me letters.
Kim: [laughs] “Place it in our usual exchange place…”
Sequoia: Ooh.
Kim: “…and I shall have another letter to read and return! Love forever and always, Love's Victim.”
Sequoia: Oh, my god! So Hermione must be signing these with her name, or this person…
Kim: Well, the other person knows who Hermione is.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: These are addressed to Hermione.
Sequoia: And they have strategically placed them…
Kim: Somewhere.
Sequoia: Behind [laughing] a loose brick. And…
Kim: I wonder how they got the first one to Hermione. This doesn’t totally… it’s fine.
Sequoia: It’s fine.
Kim: It’s fine.
Sequoia: It's fine. I buy it. I ship them. [both laugh]
Kim: Oh, dude, you don't even know. I'm excited for you to find out who this letter writer is.
Sequoia: Oh, great.
Kim: Hermione pondered the letter before her. It was filled with passion. [Sequoia laughs] You could say that.
Sequoia: [sing song] And I am upset!
Kim: And this strange and unknown lover loved with so much that it almost hurt. [pause] Yeah? Yeah?
Sequoia: I mean, yeah, that checks out. They say that they're… the wings of their heart are going to break and they are like, physically on fire.
Kim: Sure. What? [laughs] Do they?
Sequoia: So… yeah, yeah, they said they were on fire.
Kim: Did they? Did… okay, sure.
Sequoia: I think… I think…I heard them say… [both laugh]
Kim: Hermione had been getting these letters for several months now, and for the life of her could not figure out who it was.
Sequoia: Oh my god! Yes!
Kim: However, she was convinced that she desperately needed to see this strange lover. I mean, yeah.
Sequoia: What has she been responding? Like, what has she been writing back to them that has encouraged them to be like, I'm on fire, my wings are gonna break? Like… [laughs]
Kim: She's been responding, nice.
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Nice, nice, nice.
Kim: Taking a quill, she dipped it in an inkwell and wrote on a sheet of parchment, poetry, Shakespearian quotes, and plain prose. It was like a dam breaking. [Sequioa laughs] Only in these letters could her emotions be let out. Hermione is responding in kind.
Sequoia: Okay, yeah, she's…[pause] okay.
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: That's fine.
Kim: When she was finished, she sealed the letter with red wax, and pressed her seal that she had received with the first letter down.
Sequoia: Oh my god! I think that would actually endear me more, to like…
Kim: A seal?
Sequoia: I would write a letter back just to use the seal [Kim laughs] that I was given with the first letter. [laughs]
Kim: All right. All right.
Sequoia: Like, wow, this is pretty fucking cool.
Kim: Do you think it’s a magic seal? I bet it is. Like only the person that gave her the seal…
Both: …can open it.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: That's what I would do. If I was sending creepy love letters to someone.
Sequoia: I don't know anything about that.
Kim: Or whatever. Hermione hoped that this time, she would catch this strange lover, hold her (for it must be a her, with all the references that had been made) down, and excite her passions.
Sequoia: Wow!
Kim: Hermione is responding…
Both: …IN KIND! [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: We're gonna. Corner. This. Person. And. Hold. Them. Down. [Sequoia laughs] And kiss them.
Sequoia: In. The. Dark.
Kim: [cutesy voice] Give them some kisses.
Sequoia: Smother them! [both laugh] Oh man!
Kim: Next to the stairs of the Divination tower, Hermione left the letter. But instead of leaving, she covered herself in Harry's invisibility cloak.
Sequoia: Oooh noice! I would have done that several letters ago.
Kim: Yeah, right?
Sequoia: Maybe one letter. One letter in.
Kim: She’s been doing this… she’s been doing this for several months.
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs] Nope, one letter in. Leave a letter that says, I'm a little bit concerned about this letter that you've written me, and then hide in Harry's invisibility cloak nearby.
Kim: Yup! She covered herself in Harry's invisibility cloak, which she had stolen that day.
Sequoia: That is so unlike Hermione.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Wow. She really is letting her passions run free. [laughs]
Kim: Okay, are you reading from across the table? Because, Strange, she thought, the things one does in passion. [Sequoia laughs] Cover your little eyes!
Sequoia: I’m not! There's a glare from the window. I literally can’t see it.
Kim: Uh huh. Uh huh.
Sequoia: I'm just getting [does deep voice] a-real good. [both laugh]
Kim: Oh man. An hour or so later, a figure poked its head into the stairwell. [Sequoia gasps] After a few moments, the rest of the body appeared, and strode over to the letter. As she bent down to pluck the letter up, her hood came undone, and revealed her face.
Sequoia: [gasps] [squeals] Who is it?
Kim: You wanna guess?
Sequoia: It's Pansy Parkinson.
Kim: [laughing] Dude, stop looking!
Sequoia: [high pitched] Are you serious? Fuck. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Kim: Hermione gasped; this person was her lover! This person whom she had ordinarily viewed as incapable of loving, rather, the person whom she had seen and distantly admired, and hated, for being self-centered!
Sequoia: Wow.
Kim: Hermione seems to be into it?
Sequoia: Oh, she's totally into it. Listen. The… her passions or something.
Kim: Okay, fine.
Sequoia: But mostly I was like, okay, so if in the beginning this person was like writing the letter and they're like, so I'm sitting next to this boy who's like…
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: ..nice.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: I sit next to this nice boy. And I was like, okay, so this is fanfiction.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: So that nice boy is…
Both: …Draco Malfoy.
Kim: A hundred percent.
Sequoia: I mean, or Harry Potter.
Kim: Nope, it's Draco.
Sequoia: But it's definitely Draco.
Kim: Definitely Draco.
Sequoia: So I was like, who's sitting next to Draco? Who feels like their birth, like, separates them from Hermione?
Kim: Uh huh, sure.
Sequoia: It's Pansy Parkinson.
Kim: Okay. [pause] [whispering] Pansy. [both laugh] Why, could this hate from before actually have been the beginnings of love?
Sequoia: Oh Jesus Christ. [emphatically] No. [Kim laughs] That's not what that is.
Kim: Pansy swirled around, startled. "Who’s there?" Hermione tackled Pansy to the ground.
Sequoia: Oh my god! [both laugh] I was about to say, is she gonna smother her? [more laughing]
Kim: Letting the cloak fall behind her. She smothered Pansy…
Sequoia: Yes! Yeees!
Kim: [trying not to laugh] ...in kisses.
Sequoia: Goddamn. Did she just hear Hermione, like, breathing?
Kim: Yes. A hundred percent.
Sequoia: It was like a pre-smother breathing…
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: …when she was getting ready. [Kim imitates birthing breathing techniques] [both laugh] Great.
Kim: Yes. [laughs] She smothered Pansy in kisses, and Pansy just stared, being overcome with shock. "Why do you not hold me, and cover me with kisses as you have written you would? Speak, love, that I may know your mind!"
Sequoia: [lets out a shout of laughter] Wow. She has been straight up dropped into a Shakespeare play.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: [pretentious voice] Thou wouldst not smother me in kisses.
Kim: Pansy exhaled and pushed Hermione off of her. "What the bloody hell are you talking about?”
Sequoia: Oh no! [Kim laughs] Oh no! [pause] Oh no!
Kim: “What has gotten into you, Granger?"
Sequoia: Oh this is awkward. This has got [pause] real awkward.
Kim: Yeah. Hermione couldn't push words out fast enough. "You aren't the writer of the letters? Then who is it? Tell me! And what are you doing, taking letters meant for someone else?" Pansy raised her eyebrows and smirked. "Why, Granger, it seems love has made you quite the fool.”
Sequoia: Uh oh.
Kim: “I am retrieving the letter for…”
Sequoia: [quickly] Draco Malfoy!
Kim: “....Blaise.”
Sequoia: Blaise! [squeals] [shouting] No, and it’s pre book five ‘cause Blaise is a girl!
Kim: [high pitched] Yeah! [laughs]
Sequoia: [gasps] This is everything I want in a fanfiction. Ever. I think I'm going to cry.
Kim: Fucking… [both laugh] fucking Blaise, man. So theatrical.
Sequoia: [laughing] So theatrical! Oh my god! [both keep laughing] Oh, I've died. This is great.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Also, she just made out with Pansy.That’s a little weird. [laughs] That’s a little weird now.
Kim: Yeah, no, Hermione was on the Pansy train so easy.
Sequoia: She was on whatever train. Like, whatever human being showed up, she was just gonna make out with.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: So.
Kim: Kinda wish it had been Vince.
Sequoia: Yeah, Vince is just like walking by, he just like, [deep voice] oh look, a letter. [both laugh]
Kim: [quietly] Fuckin’ fine.
Sequoia: Oh, man.
Kim: [quietly] Jesus.
Sequoia: She was just ready for like…
Kim: Yeah. For smothering.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: [whispering] Pansy.
Sequoia: Pansy.
Kim: “I am retrieving the letter for Blaise, who claims that she’s ill, yet would still have her lover's letters.” I assume that’s a direct quote from Blaise. [laughs]
Sequoia: Oh yes, of course. But with like one hundred percent more, like, wouldst thous in it. [both laugh]
Kim: “I didn’t realize you would be the lover. Poor Blaise, lovestruck for a mudblood!”
Sequoia: Oh yeah, that's more Pansy. We're back on the Pansy train!
Kim: Pansy’s…
Sequoia: Pansy’s Pansy.
Kim: Pansy’s Pansy in this.
Sequoia: Yep! [laughs]
Kim: “What did you do, pour a love potion into her glass and have it backfire?" I don’t know what that means.
Sequoia: I don’t know what that means either. Backfire?
Kim: ‘Cause they’re both definitely… they’re both…
Sequoia: Oh!
Kim: ‘Cause they’re both… I don’t know.
Sequoia: I don’t know.
Kim: Whatever. [pause] "I would never! Can you tell her to meet me?" "No. [Sequoia laughs] Her father is going to take her back to France.”
Sequoia: What?
Kim: “That’s where she was born, you know. Too jolly bad. Must go.”
Sequoia: Wait, because she’s sick?
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: [high pitched voice] She's being shipped back to France?
Kim: She's just too French for this shit.
Sequoia: This is so Shakespearean.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: [dramatic and pretentious voice] My love wouldst be…
Kim: Yeah. Yes.
Sequoia: [continuing in the same voice] …taken back to her home country.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: [laughing] Yeah?
Kim: Fine. And Pansy swept away, leaving Hermione sobbing on her knees to get over it.
Sequoia: Oh my god, there’s just like very high emotion.
Kim: The end.
Sequoia: The end!? [Kim laughs] No! Fuck you! [Kim keeps laughing] I hate you! This podcast is over!
Kim: I found that for youuuu! [both laugh] It’s got all the things you love. Blaise.
Sequoia: Blaise is one hundred percent the president of the drama club in this story.
Kim: Oh, yeah! In every story. [laughs]
Sequoia: Oh my god! I love Blaise so much, I can’t.
Kim: [laughing] Oh.
Sequoia: I’m having a lot of emotions right now and I’m [pause] mostly upset.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: I'm gonna write the rest of this. [Kim laughs] ‘Cause I feel very strongly about it.
Kim: About theatrical girl Blaise?
Sequoia: [laughing] Yes I do!
Kim: What about the fact that Hermione made out with Pansy?
Sequoia: [laughs] Made out with whomever…
Kim: [high pitched] Yeah!
Sequoia: …stood within the vicinity of the letter.
Kim: I love… [tries to stop laughing] I love it. Oh. The only thing this is missing is a girl dressed up as a boy.
Sequoia: Hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kim: Or? I don't know. [pause] Twins.
Sequoia: The twins. [laughs] Okay, so I see what you mean about my third prediction.
Kim: Yeah. If they'd communicated a little better, this plot would have been simpler.
Sequoia: I think [pause] I don't get a point.
Kim: Okay. ‘Cause it's not exactly what…
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: No, that’s not what… like, that’s not what I had in mind, so…
Kim: Yeah, okay.
Sequoia: …I'm gonna say I didn't get a point. ‘Cause [sing song voice] I already got one point ‘cause it was Hermione!
Kim: It was Hermione.
Sequoia: Guys, I am so excited. That also like got me real hype. Like, it made me real high energy because all emotions were heightened. [Kim laughs] It was like emotion times five hundred on every emotion. Hermione was either, like, in such a heightened state of passion she was ready to make out with anyone who appeared in front of her.
Kim: [laughs] Yes.
Sequoia: And like justify that in her brain.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: Like, oh, hate! That's probably also love! [both make kissing noises] Yeah.
Kim: Yeah, seriously!
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: No, she was ready to make out with Pansy fucking Parkinson.
Sequoia: Who's the worst.
Kim: She's terrible!
Sequoia: So there was that. And then as soon as Pansy was like, real Pansy and was just like, nah, bitch, sorry. Bye. And left. [Kim laughs] Hermione was like, devastated in tears laying on the floor.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Like, every emotion was times five hundred.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: [laughing] So what do you have for me next? Goddamn.
Kim: Isn’t that a fun story? So fun.
Sequoia: It was really fun.
Kim: One of the… the author had a note at the top. Ah, the days when Blaise was gender ambiguous in text. Oh well.
Sequoia: Yeeees!
Kim: That's their note.
Sequoia: [makes a satisfied noise] Sexy, sassy, Slytherin!
Kim: [laughs] Sure. All right, let’s move on to the next thing.
Sequoia: All right, more pointportunities. Here we go. To the points moon. Cool. Okay. Okay.
Kim: If you are ready, please give me three predictions for Animal Magnetism. A humor story.
Sequoia: [whispering] Oh my god.
Kim: Published before book five.
Sequoia: [still whispering] Fucking shit.
Kim: AKA my favorite time period.
Sequoia: [laughs] It is the best.
Kim: Man. I was looking at like 2001 stuff. This is from 2002, but 2001 is some great…
Sequoia: Some… some stuff.
Kim: …stuff.
Sequoia: This is going to be a Sirius Black story.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: Featuring animagus.
Kim: Oh, that actually makes sense.
Sequoia: Yeah, yeah.
Kim: Whatever, fine.
Sequoia: I’m try-ing! [both laugh] [pause] Wow, this is really hard. [Kim laughs] Okay, I’m gonna guess that part of this story takes place in Hogsmeade.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: And I'm gonna guess that though it is called Animal Magnetism, there are no romantic pairings at all in it. [laughs]
Kim: [trying not to laugh] Sure, you can make those three predictions.
Sequoia: [laughing] Is that okay?
Kim: Yeah, make those three. Those are great.
Sequoia: Cool. Sure.
Kim: Don't forget to @ us your predictions! [Sequoia laughs] #FanficDivination. Here we go! Animal Magnetism.
[pause]
Sequoia: You're staring at me in a way that makes me UNCOMFORTABLE. [both laugh]
Kim: [high pitched voice] “Don't drop him Harry!” [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh no.
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: “I'm trying not to! He keeps trying to bite me, the prat.”
Sequoia: [laughs] Okay, great.
Kim: Harry's voice was tinged with a rather large amount of annoyance.
Sequoia: It usually is.
Kim: [mumbling] When he’s… someone trying to bite him?
Sequoia: What is trying to bite him?
Kim: An animal! Duh.
Sequoia: An animal that he… okay, all right, okay.
Kim: Hermione stood at the other side of the empty classroom, pushing books and chairs aside, looking for something that would hold an angry bouncy weasel.
Sequoia: An angry bouncy we… oh no!
Kim: The red furred weasel… [laughs]
Sequoia: Oh no! [laughs]
Kim: …that was currently squirming around, attempting to free itself from Harry's grip. The weasel that used to be their best friend.
Sequoia: Yes!
Kim: Hermione was having no luck in her search, and turned back to cast a concerned glance at Harry and weasel Ron. [Sequoia laughs] Poor Ron. Poor Ron.
Sequoia: Oh, poor… this stuff always happens to Ron.
Kim: It does.
Sequoia: Fanfiction’s just like, you know what’d be funny? [laughs]
Kim: Not just fan… I feel like when like bad effects of them testing spells happen in class, it often happens to Ron.
Sequoia: Ron vomiting slugs, also.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: Poor Ron.
Kim: Fuckin’ Ron.
Sequoia: He’s a weasel now. That sucks.
Kim: That time he got poisoned. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh, yeah!
Kim: Poor Ron.
Sequoia: Poor Ron.
Kim: Then she was distracted by a large stack of parchment tumbling off a desk. She groaned. “And what are we supposed to do with him?”
Sequoia: Oh, no, there's another one?
Kim: “I don't want to go near him, he'd probably try and scratch my eyes out!”
Sequoia: It’s Draco Malfoy! What is he? Is he a ferret?
Kim: Duh.
Sequoia: Yeeees!
Kim: Hermione said shrilly, shoving her hair out of her flushed face. Now perched atop the fallen parchment was a snow white ferret [Sequoia laughs] surveying the entire room with such disdain that it would have been comical on anyone else.
Sequoia: I like how Ron the weasel is like fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And then Draco the ferret is just like mhm.
Both: [snooty, posh voices] Yes.
Sequoia: [snooty, posh voice] I’m Draco Malfoy, the ferret.
Kim: [snooty, posh voice] Ferret time.
Sequoia: [drawing out her snooty voice even more] Just a little bit of ferret time for me.
Kim: [laughs] Oh man. Such disdain that it would have been comical on anyone else. As it was, it just further irritated the other occupants in the room.
Sequoia: [laughs] He's even fucking obnoxious as a ferret.
Kim: [laughs] With a loud squeak, weasel Ron managed to twist out of Harry's hands and plop onto the ground. Before Harry or Hermione could grab him again, he took off running, straight towards ferret Draco.
Sequoia: [chanting] Fight, fight, fight!
Kim: “Ron, no!” Hermione couldn't be certain that Ron and Draco would be any less aggressive in animal appearance than they were as humans, and she really didn't fancy seeing them rip each other to shreds.
Sequoia: Yeah, that'd be kind of a terrible way to die.
Kim: Ripped apart as a weasel?
Sequoia: Ripped apart as a weasel!
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: I like that we assumed that Ron was the one dying in that scenario. Good. Excellent. [both laugh]
Kim: [laughs] Like, Draco's been a ferret before, he has experience with this.
Sequoia: Yeah, he's just a ferret sometimes. For fun.
Kim: [laughs] To her complete surprise, weasel-want-Ron… god, I can't say it.
Sequoia: [laughing] It’s so hard!
Kim: Weasel Won.
Sequoia: Weasel Won!
Kim: [mumbling] Weasel Won! Weasel Ron stopped short, right in front of ferret Draco, and stared. Hermione and Harry exchanged looks; Harry shrugged, and started walking over to retrieve weasel Ron. “Er, Hermione?” [Sequoia whimpers] “Why aren’t they trying to tear each other's throats out?”
Sequoia: Are weasel Ron and ferret Draco gonna make out as a weasel and a ferret? [both laugh]
Kim: No comment. [both laugh] Harry sounded funny. Half amused, half troubled.
Sequoia: He should be troubled! This is a troubling scenario on several levels.
Kim: Yes! Yes. Hermione, curious now, joined him, peering down at the two [pause] mustelids? Is that how you…? Why not? Sure.
Sequoia: Is that what that kind of animal is?
Kim: The two… the weasel looking things.
Sequoia: Okay, great.
Kim: Ferret weasel looking things.
Sequoia: I don’t know. Weasel Won.
Kim: [laughing] Weasel Won! [both laugh] Stupid. Who were now sniffing at the other with twitchy noses.
Sequoia: This is… I'm uncomfortable.
Kim: “Now, that is odd. Although…” [both laugh] Hermione’s shipping everything!
Sequoia: Yep! [laughs]
Kim: Hermione gasped, clutching Harry's sleeve. “Perhaps the longer they stay in this form, the less they keep their right state of mind! Oh Harry, we have got to go find Professor McGonagall or someone.”
Sequoia: Yeah, how the fuck did they get like this in the first place?
Kim: You know.
[pause]
Sequoia: Great. [both laugh]
Kim: Magic. Duh!
Sequoia: Oh my gosh.
Kim: The two of them began to run out of the room, and promptly crashed into each other as they both remembered Ron and Draco. “I'll find her. Stay here, and don't let them kill each other, or worse.” [both laugh]
Sequoia: [singing] Oh god!
Kim: Hermione turned a bit red as she said the words. Harry was too disgusted at the idea to make a sarcastic comment.
Sequoia: Harry was vomiting. [both laugh]
Kim: Harry's sass had left him. “Good heavens! What on earth happened here?” McGonagall entered the room briskly, Hermione close on her heels. I guess there was a time jump there. Harry stood quickly, swearing as ferret Draco bit into his finger as Harry tried to drag him away from weasel Ron by the scruff of his neck for the three hundredth time.
Sequoia: Oh my god.
Kim: Flushing…
Sequoia: It’s like the worst possible kind of babysitting.
Kim: Yeah, two horny weasel things? [Sequoia laughs] [dude bro voice] Hey, can you watch my weasels this weekend? They’re uh…
Sequoia: [deep voice] No, everything's… everything’s normal. Nothing is… nothing is weird.
Kim: About them.
Sequoia: And it will be easy. [pause] Bring really thick gloves. [Kim splutters] [both laugh]
Kim: Oh no. [pause] Flushing, he apologized to McGonagall, who waved his words away, more intent on righting just whatever the hell had gone wrong.
Sequoia: Absolutely.
Kim: Harry and Hermione tried to explain, in overlaying voices, that Draco had barged in on a charms practice, curses were flung, and people were transfigured into animals. Professor McGonagall…
Sequoia: Those aren’t charms!
Kim: Yeah, those aren’t charms. [Sequoia laughs] Or curses.
Sequoia: Or curses. That’s…
Kim: Just…
Both: …transfiguration.
Kim: [quietly] It’s fine.
Sequoia: Likely story, Hermione/Harry at the same time.
Kim: Yeah! [laughs] McGonagall… Professor McGonagall’s mouth twitched, but all she said was, “Stand aside Miss Granger. Potter, release Mr. Malfoy.” Ferret Draco, realizing he was free, made a beeline for his new best friend…
Sequoia: Oh god! [laughs]
Kim: …weasel Ron. They bounded happily together. [both laugh]
Sequoia: That is fuckin’ weird.
Kim: Just imagine them bouncing around. Prancing.
Sequoia: High fiving.
Kim: Yeah. [both laugh] So cuuuute. They bounded happily together, causing Hermione to giggle despite her faint horror at the situation. It’s like a really uncomfortable… like… [awkward laugh] [both laugh] You know, like when you're really uncomfortable?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: And you just can't help but laugh.
Sequoia: Like when you have a Harry Potter fanfiction podcast.
Kim: And then someone's like, what do you do for fun? And you're like… [both laugh awkwardly] [both laugh normally] Yes. Yes. But actually.
Sequoia: Just like that.
Kim: After a couple of words and a wave of McGonagall’s wand, poof! Newly human Ron and newly human Draco blinked. They looked confusedly around the room…
Sequoia: They were holding hands. [both laugh]
Kim: Close. …and finally realized that they were rather tangled up with one another.
Sequoia: Ohhhh, that’s different than holding hands. That's more.
Kim: Yup!
Sequoia: They were playing! [Kim snorts] They were playing together.
Kim: How fun.
Sequoia: Great.
Kim: Weird. Giving nearly identical howls of revulsion, the boys jumped away from each other. Once again, the sight would have been comical if everyone in the room had not agreed that this was indeed a disturbing circumstance. [both laugh] Look, there's nothing wrong with a little bit of Dron.
Sequoia: There is nothing wrong with that.
Kim: I love Dron…
Sequoia: I wish there was like…
Kim: …sooo much.
Sequoia: …another person in the room with them just to be like…
Kim: Neville?
Sequoia: …laughing. Yeah.
Kim: Oh, Neville wouldn't be doing that.
Sequoia: I don’t know.
Kim: Blaise.
Sequoia: Blaise. [both laugh]
Kim: Pointing and laughing.
Sequoia: Pointing and laughing and just being like guys, this is fucking insane.
Kim: [laughs] Yessss. Professor McGonagall chuckled. There you go.
Sequoia: Oh good.
Kim: Yeah. Someone’s chuckling.
Sequoia: She's got it.
Kim: And wished them well as she left. Well, perhaps she didn't find it too disturbing.
Sequoia: She’s just like, oh, kids these days.
Kim: Kids these days. [both laugh] Draco's paler than usual features slowly regained a bit of color as he glowered frostily at the other three.
Sequoia: Mmmmm.
Kim: [pompous voice, drawing out every syllable] “If any of you ever speak a word of this to anyone, I swear I will tell my father!” [both laugh hysterically]
Sequoia: No! Is that really what it says?
Kim: Yes!
Sequoia: Fuck yeah!
Kim: Yessss!
Kim: “I will tell…”
Both: “...my father…”
Kim: “...and no one will ever find the cursed remains of your bodies.” [both laugh]
Sequoia: Draco's father will have you killed. [both laugh]
Kim: And he stormed out of the classroom, not once looking back at Ron.
Sequoia: They can't make eye contact any more.
Kim: Ever again. [Sequoia laughs] Ever again. Harry burst into laughter, most likely from hysterical relief that the bizarre situation was over.
Sequoia: Yeah. Checks out.
Kim: But also because he didn’t find Draco’s threats scary in the slightest.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: No one does. No one is scared of you, Draco.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Draco. Draco. [both laugh] Hermione, on the other hand, merely rolled her eyes before walking cautiously over to Ron. “Are you all right, Ron? Do… do you remember anything that happened while you were, um, an animal?”
Sequoia: Weasel Won. [both laugh]
Kim: Weasel Won.
Sequoia: Weasel Won.
Kim: Help me! [Sequoia laughs] She tried to avoid saying the word ‘weasel’. As I am also trying to avoid saying it. [Sequoia laughs again] As he was likely to be sensitive about it.
Sequoia: Ron’s likely to be sensitive about a lot of stuff, all right?
Kim: Yeah, right? [both laugh] Ron finally met her eyes. He didn’t appear to be happy.
Sequoia: He does. He remembers. [both laugh]
Kim: [deep voice] “No. I don’t remember a thing.”
Sequoia: Yes he does.
Kim: His ears began to turn pink…
Sequoia: He absolutely does.
Kim: …indicating that this was most probably a lie.
Sequoia: Definitely a lie.
Kim: “Except…” Hermione nodded encouragingly.
Sequoia: [quietly] Don’t do that.
Kim: “Errr, he [pause] smelled appealing.”
Sequoia: [squeals] [laughs] Oh no!
Kim: He dropped his now bright red face into his hands with a muffled moan.
Sequoia: Don’t say that out loud.
Kim: Harry burst into manic laughter again.
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: The end.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yesssss! [Kim laughs] Oh, that was so fun. I loved that!
Kim: Yes. I found that for all of us.
Sequoia: For all of us.
Kim: The first one was for you specifically.
Sequoia: Yeah! [Kim laughs] Obviously. That was so fun.
Kim: Yeah, that was zero points for you, though, also.
Sequoia: That was zero points for me. But you know what? It’s fine, because I got a point in this episode, so it’s fine. Thank you for bringing those two fanfictions to us today.
Kim: You’re welcome.
Sequoia: They were so fun. [both laugh] What even?
Kim: Too silly.
Sequoia: Too silly.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: So we’ve got… we got some segments.
Kim: Segments.
Sequoia: [sing song voice] Segments.
Both: [whispering] Segments.
Sequoia: Let’s start with a quick fics.
Kim: [shouts] Quick fics!
Sequoia: We are renaming…
Kim: That one that…
Sequioa: …that one.
Kim: So you know the…
Sequoia: You know, the one…
Kim: You know. It’s fine.
Sequoia: We don’t need to say it.
Kim: Sequoia’s going to tell us about a fanfiction that she has read that isn’t quite right for the podcast but needs to be talked about.
Sequoia: Yes. So I read a fanfiction once called What If Hermione was a Rebel? [Kim snorts] [both laugh]
Kim: Dude, that title. [laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah. In which… so, like, it is within the realm of like regular Hermione to be in Transfiguration. Or not Transfiguration, Divination class, and, like, kind of being a bitch about it.
Kim: Is it?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: She dropped that class like it was hot.
Sequoia: Yeah. So she’s like… she’s in Divination class.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: And she’s being real sassy to Trelawney, and I just imagine that like, it wasn’t in the story, but like you got the vibe that she was, like, you know, her hair was bright pink and she was wearing a lot of spikes and like smoking a cigarette.
Kim: Oh, it wasn't in the story, but it’s… that’s like the point of those stories.
Sequoia: Right?
Kim: To like describe Hermione’s new outfit.
Sequoia: It’s because… like, so here’s the thing. One of the reasons that this was not good for the podcast is it was like three paragraphs long. [Kim groans] So they like never finished it. But the best part of the story was that, like, she was being really snarky in Divination class and like straight up walks out of Divination class and she, like, thinks she’s looking all cool doing that, and she looks back at her crush.
Kim: Oh no.
Sequoia: The bad boy.
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: Neville Longbottom.
Kim: NO! [both laugh]
Sequoia: And then I was like, why is this story not finished? I am crushed. [both laugh] Just, like, you know, sending a wink back to my boy. My bad boy Neville Longbottom. [Kim laughs] And I was just like, yes, this fic is everything. Why is it over?
Kim: [trying to speak but can’t because she’s laughing so much] Neville! Neville, no!
Sequoia: Why? Anyway that’s my… that’s my quick fic.
Kim: Neville… Neville in a leather jacket smoking a cigarette.
Sequoia: Yeah. [both laugh]
Kim: Nooooo!
Sequoia: Love itI What If Hermione was a Rebel?
Kim: What if?
Sequoia: What if she was?
[pause]
Sequoia: Okay. [Kim splutters] So our next segment…
Kim: Is…
Both: …is the rec zone! Pew pew pew pewww!
Kim: So today I am actually going to be recommending two stories because this first one is so short.
Sequoia: Okay. Yeah, let's do it.
Kim: It’s called The Sum of Draco Malfoy. It’s a really short funny story about when Draco was… like, before he went to Hogwarts he had this private tutor who assigns him to write a personal essay, and Draco sure does that.
Sequoia: Excellent. Love it.
Kim: So it’s really short and I thought it was pretty funny. So that’ll be there. And then this second story that I have to rec was a listener submission.
Sequoia: Yes!
Kim: We’ve gotten so many!
Sequoia: Oh my god! I’ve been slightly overwhelmed by them lately.
Kim: Yeahhh!
Sequoia: We’ll get to that. Yeah.
Kim: But this one was sent into us and it’s actually written by the same author that wrote Lily’s Downfall.
Sequoia: Fuck yeah! Lily’s Downfall is the shit, so yes!
Kim: Yeah so it’s actually part three in a series that this author was doing of like smut parodies.
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: And this was the one that was sent in to us, and I agree with them that this is the funniest of the three. But the other two are good too.
Sequoia: Awesome.
Kim: This one is called Narration Irritation 3: Lemon Bones.
Sequoia: What the fuck?! [laughs]
Kim: And it’s got some just stellar… just so, so good smut parody descriptions of stuff.
Sequoia: Excellent.
Kim: [laughing] So you’ve got to read it. It’s so good.
Sequoia: All right. Awesome.
Kim: Nice. Those links will be in the description of this episode and also on our website.
Sequoia: Website.
Kim: Where all of our…
Sequoia: Recommendations can be found.
Kim: Are.
Sequoia: Yeah. Good. [chuckles]
Kim: I don’t know what just happened.
Sequoia: Excellent. Yeah. So thank you for listening to the podcast.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: A couple of wrap up things. We have social media. We’ve got Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. You can find us @fanaticalfics.
Kim: If you want to send us some longer thoughts or whatever else, you can get us at our email fanaticalfics@gmail.com.
Sequoia: Mhm. If you do go to our website you can find that whole list of recommendations. You’ll also find all of our episodes. You’ll find…
Kim: Our story submission form.
Sequoia: …our story submission form.
Kim: Send those in. We’re not scared.
Sequoia: Send them in.
Kim: There are so many that are directed at me specifically.
Sequoia: You’re the…
Kim: And I just… I live for that. [Sequoia laughs] Live for it.
Sequoia: Yeah. Keep sending them in. We’ve had a ton come in lately, and we are loving it.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: So yeah, you can check that out on our website.
Kim: Also on our website is our merch. If you want some stickers they can be found there.
Sequoia: Great plug. [both laugh]
Kim: We’ve got some other merch coming out soon too, right?
Sequoia: We do!
Kim: I’m really excited for it.
Sequoia: Yeah, I believe we have some Ambivalent Pearl merch coming out.
Kim: Oooh, I’m so excited.
Sequoia: And I’m real excited about it. So yeah, check out our website to find all of those things, including a link to our Patreon.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: You can go to our Patreon. Support us that way. You can also support us by leaving us a iTunes review which we shout out at the top of the episode.
Kim: Yes we did!
Sequoia: And since we’ve got so many new listeners here, let me tell ya, you should tell everyone [trying not to laugh] you’ve ever made eye contact with in your whole life about this podcast.
Kim: I thought I canceled that bit.
Sequoia: You did cancel that bit. [both laugh] But there are… there’s so many new listeners, and they don’t know, and they need to know to tell everyone they’ve ever exchanged words with in their whole life about the podcast.
Kim: I’m not… I’m not sure that these dear listeners don’t… haven’t heard that bit. [Sequoia laughs] It looks like they’re going back and listening to the old episodes, Sequoia.
Sequoia: I just really wanted to do it again. So there’s several ways to support the podcast and we appreciate you…
Kim: Doing them.
Sequoia: …no matter what. You’re great. Thanks, listeners.
Kim: Thanks for listening!
Sequoia: And, of course, thank you to the Whomping Willows for letting us use our amazing theme song Wolfstar. [shouting] Bye!
Kim: [also shouting] Bye!